Witticism in Paradise

San Diego Chargers kicker Nick Novak did just about the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen from a player during a game and peed on the sidelines. A few points I feel like raising:

• What did he pee into?
• How did he pee through those pants?
• Dude most definitely didn’t wash his hands
• But that’s okay, he doesn’t touch the ball with his hands
• Does being able to kick a ball far mean he can extend his stream longer than the average stream?
• Also, what’s the average length of a stream of piss?
• The Chargers will remember this game as the one they pissed their season away

Also, Buffalo Bills wide receiver Stevie Johnson celebrated a touchdown today against the Jets by fake shooting himself in the leg. The clear jab at Plaxico Burress was deemed distasteful by many, so I guess my pallet for these kinds of things is different than the masses. This was hilarious. If I were the right build, I’d become a football player just so I could taunt all the other players about their highly personal, sensitive issues. If Plaxico Burress was dumb enough to shoot himself in the foot, society should grow a pair and laugh at him for doing so.