I'm Jordan, a senior English/Rhetoric major at Binghamton University. I'm the Opinion Editor of the BU Pipe Dream and president of all male a cappella group, The Binghamton Crosbys. Student by day, sleeper by night.
Clyde’s vocabulary, D’Antoni’s mustache on the trading block as Knicks pursue Chris Paul
NEW YORK — On the heels of a post-lockout market frenzy, the Knicks are poised to do whatever it takes to sign Chris Paul, just don’t expect Walt Frazier to be so enthused.
Team owner James Dolan said Thursday that the Knicks front office will be “Wheeling and dealing whatever it takes to sign Chris Paul,” but that he might not be able to ever use the phrase “wheeling and dealing” again.
“Our bench sucks,” admitted Dolan. “We just don’t have many pieces left to offer the Hornets. At this point, who are we going to give them, Iman Shumpert?”
The Knicks’ front office, with their hands tied and no more draft picks to give up until 2045, are willing to offer the Hornets the rights to Walt Frazier’s entire vocabulary, one chock full of highly amusing catch phrases.
“I’m just glad they didn’t ask me to give up my wardrobe too,” said Frazier, the Knicks’ color-commentator. “But yeah, I’m sad and mad. I’m losing and they’re abusin’.”
Clyde, who’s popularized such phrases as “‘bounding and astounding,” “dishing and swishing” and “posting and toasting” is apprehensive about giving up a dictionary he took years to compile.
But Frazier’s broadcast partner Mike Breen said Clyde would go to the ends of the Earth to make the Knicks “not fucking suck.”
“Clyde bleeds orange and blue,” Breen said. “He loves to see the Knicks play well. As for this season’s broadcasts, they might get a little dry.”
But Hornets GM Dell Demps insisted that the sweet talk might not be enough to court CP3; the deal might have to get a little hairier.
“We can be stylin’ and profilin’ all we want, but I’ve coveted (Mike) D’Antoni’s mustache for as long as I can remember,” said Demps.
“My face and my head are both bald. Mike’s mustache would give me so much swag,” he added.
D’Antoni’s been keeping a stiff upper lip throughout the swirl of rumors, warning Demps that “maintaining the ‘stache is a 24-hour-a-day job.”
Still, both sides seem primed to make the necessary concessions to acquire who and what they want, especially Paul himself, who said Thursday, “I’m fucking relieved Clyde’s never gonna be able to call me a neophyte.”
